am always trying to find ways of looking within and discovering myself and one major issue has to do with being in a relationship. I have been in a long term complicated relationship and I fear letting it go,but want to forge ahead with my love life. Going out on dates would be ideal,but it's so much work involved. I hate the fact that you have to put on a show to get someone's interest. It's part of the game,but so emotionally hard for me to put myself out there. Conflicting feelings always get me because I want to be in a relationship,but then again I don't want to be bothered. Am I sending mix messages out to the universe? Totally! I keep meeting these non committal types because of my conflicting feelings. What am I afraid of really? I have no clue,but I know that I need to do some soul searching. There are a lot of internal ideas that need reworking. I guess my current "set up" is safe for me at the moment. In this relationship I feel so alone at times because I am alone. I barely here from him and when I do it's like an event! Why am I always the available one? I have to say that I have been good with keeping to myself and not calling,but he's constantly on my mind. How can someone be so detached?
I went to this new age store a few weeks ago and picked up this mini card which had affirmations to say for attracting healthy relationships into your life (ie; family,friends,lovers) and I actually tried one of the affirmations and totally felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt lighter. It was great! Most definitely implementing those affirmations into my life. When I feel alone I just find comfort in knowing that I am loved and that there is someone out there for me who can truly give me the love I deserve,but first and foremost I have to love myself more in order to get that kind of love in my life.